Story / Bri Ng Schwartz
Photos / Asher Oliver
This weekend, LADYGUNN braved the rain for Twinks vs. Dolls at the Palladium in Times Square. Brainchild of the team at Bed-Stuy’s Singers, Saturday’s match was the most ambitious iteration of the DIY event yet, with a Broadway venue, iconic hosts, judges, guests galore, and moments of pure campy chaos. At its heart, the event is a celebration of Trans women and the synergy between them and gay men. In its literal sense, it is a 10-round competition between these two teams with some of the most goofy and grotesque challenges I’ve ever seen: suck-and-blow with bologna instead of playing cards, a cigarette-smoking race live fed to the audience from the heart of Times Square, and a wrestling match in a tub of Nickelodeon-style green slime.
“Twinks vs Dolls 5 is the latest episode in a years-long farcical drama with its own internal lore, canon, and cast of characters, both old and new,” shares Erik Escobar, Singer’s Events Director and co-creator of the Twinks vs Dolls Olympics. “This year’s version of the Twinks vs Dolls Olympics is in many ways no different than any other year, with a cast and crew of dozens and dozens of queer people putting on a self-produced spectacle in a matter of a couple of weeks and a core team of less than 5 people planning, BUT we did get air-conditioning! So that’s kinda different!”
The event opened with a performance from Mike Guisinger, owner of Singers, in character as hyper-capitalist “Mr. Guisinger,” who set the tone for a high-stakes, camp-filled event with song and choreographed wrestling to kick us off. Esther Fallik charmed the audience with the New Yorker National Anthem, “New York, New York.” Hosts Honey Pluton and Spike Einbinder ushered us through each round of the event alongside a “pit crew” and ring girls. Guest judges included multi-hyphenate Chelsea Manning, Bed-Stuy Council Member Chi Ossé, and comedian-turned-NYC Pride Parade Grand Marshal Bowen Yang, who fused comedic relief and real talk throughout each round of shenanigans. The audience was directed to cheer for The Dolls and boo for The Twinks, giving The Dolls a team advantage from the start.
“I jokingly applied to Twinks Vs Dolls at 3 am having no clue what I signed myself up for.” shares cloe aelin, friend of LADYGUNN and member of Team Dolls. “ It was a glorified humiliation ritual and I loved it! Entering show day nearly having no clue what we were about to do on stage was thrilling yet felt like my reality competition show moment. It felt pretty surreal for trans women and queer men put on a stage this big.”
Other rounds included an open-mic-style performance from each member of the respective teams, a makeout competition, and a memorable gag-inducing challenge where members of each team lined up and poured a sip of wine into each other’s mouths as fast as possible until they filled a glass. A standout round of the night included a makeover competition between the two teams. Special guests came onstage to model for the challenge, including Erik himself, comedians Josh Sharp and Max Wittert, and Cherie Nesfield, whose wet look from Team Dolls as the unmatched winner. The halftime show featured a five-song performance from The Naked Cowgirl Sandy Kane, stripping down more and more as the songs progressed, as well as a special round of wrestling from Time Square’s own Elmo and Mickey versus Spiderman and Deadpool.
The final challenge of the evening was the infamous wrestling match. Tensions were high, the audience on the edge of their seats as the two teams battled it out in the black kitty pool filled with green slime round after round. While the slime wrestling ended in a victory for The Twinks, The Dolls were still in the lead and ultimately walked away victorious. Despite the elevated stakes between the two teams throughout the event, it was ultimately a camaraderie-filled Pride event and celebration of the community that Singer’s continues to bring together match after match.
Twinkle, twinkle, little twink,
Brains or Bronze? I don’t think.
Tiny tanks and silver chains,
Still can’t match these doll’s campaigns.
Twinkle, twinkle, little twink,
Four day carry? Ooooh she stinks!
There he goes off the G,
Wonder how proud mama must be.
Twinks, oh twinks, you talk so loud,
Yet somehow vanish in the crowd.
Twinks keep saying, “Wait me next!”
This doll has already cashed the check!
-cloe aelin