story / Koko Ntuen
photos / Josh courtesy of Josh Johnson
I’m sure we’ve all had countless men figured out over the years. Some you kiss, some you fuck, some you play childish games with, and some actually capture your heart. Then there are the ones who have a mystery magic that you are never able to figure out. Amongst my bevy of men, there was Josh Johnson. Born and raised in Greensboro, he shared a town with me where I thought there was no hope. Like a dark knight, he was the kid who strolled the streets looking like he was an extra in FULL METAL JACKET. Reverting back to my 14-year-old self, I enlisted some of my best girlfriends, Haruka, Allison, and Wolf Knight, to call Josh Johnson with me and ask him the questions that only heartbreakers can answer.
Koko: What is your biggest heartbreak about Greensboro? Josh Johnson: I guess moving back here and seeing all my friends doing the same shit, drugs and shit.
Where were you when you moved away? I was in Chapel Hill for 8 years, then Mexico City for a year. I’ve been back in Greensboro for about two years now.
What are your origins? Sorry to ask but I’m really curious. Part Cherokee, and part honkey.
Ok cool… do you remember me and my friends in Greensboro, do you know who you’re talking to? Yeah, I know exactly who I’m talking to.
So did you think me and my friends were like, crazy and shit? Yeah, you were some pretty wild girls, but you guys were having fun, it’s cool. That’s what you do when you’re young.
What is your biggest musical heartbreak? Like an album? What I put on when I am depressed?
Yes. (Laughs) Hmm, shit. I haven’t been depressed in a month or so, I’ll say Roky Erickson. He has a solo album that came out. Half of it was recorded when he was in a mental institution just using guitar, and that song ‘Push And Pull’ really gets intense.
Why do you get depressed? I don’t know, just like everyone else does, I get lonely and stuff.
Do you have a dog? No, I have a cat.
When you were growing up were you considered a heartbreaker? I dunno. My Mom always told me I was.
Did you used to get lots of notes from girls in your class? No, I guess they thought I was kind of weird. I guess when I got into high school more of that stuff would happen. I would get notes and stuff in my locker.
From girls? Yeah, sometimes.
What is your address? Just kidding. Laughs
Are you still into drugs and stuff ? Not really into the drugs anymore. I do like mushrooms, I drink every once in a while. I have a pretty busy schedule these days, touring and booking shows. I just don’t have time to get fucked up anymore.
Do you like/love Facebook? No, it’s kind of annoying. I just get on there because I’m bored at work.
Ok, now we are going around the room and the other girls will ask you a question. Ok.
Haruka: Hi, I’m Haruka. I am Japanese. I am Asian chick. My name is Josh, I’m Caucasian.
Haruka: Alright, are you Italian, Irish, or what? I’m white, I’m a honkey.
Haruka: Good, I love white men.
Room erupts in laughter.
Allison: What do you spend most of your time doing? What’s your name?
Allison: Allison. What’s your question, Allison?
What do you spend most of your time doing? What’s my favorite president?
Room erupts in laughter.
Koko: Yes, what is your favorite president? Laughing. Um, I dunno, Abraham Lincoln? I like that commercial.
Diana: What’s your most shameful secret? My most shameful secret? Actually, last time I was in New York I took a shit in a McDonald’s bag because I was stuck in a tunnel.
All The Girls: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Koko: That’s disgusting!
Koko: That is so sick! Was anyone else on the train with you? No I was in a van. We were stuck in traffic in the tunnel and we were trying to get to the Cake Shop to play some American Apparel party or some shit.
Ew. Fun times though.
What are your sexual urges?
I like to have sex outside.
Now tell us a secret? A secret like I look at pornos or something?
Yeah or anything. I jerked off in a car before, that’s weird. I dunno.
Now give us some advice. I guess never talk shit about a dude’s old lady to his face. That’s never ever good. And about heartbreak? What someone doesn’t know won’t hurt ‘em, I guess.
You have been such a gentleman. Thank you! Everyone say, “Bye Josh.”
Everyone: Bye Josh!!!!!!!
Josh Johnson hails from Ladygunn’s own Greensboro, NC. He previously played with NC band The Spinns and went on to start a one-man band, performing under the moniker Pinche Gringo. When he’s not shitting in McDonald’s bags or breaking hearts, you can find Josh playing drums for Paint Fumes and Tandoori Knights. Check out Paint Fumes’ upcoming tour dates at http://www.facebook.com/Paintfumes?sk=app_178091127385.